I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
