Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
