i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
