well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i would punch a child for taco bell
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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