Dual....:-)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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