so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize