it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
