Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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