Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize