38 yer olds are good kisserssss
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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