Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
