I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize