Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
