I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
