i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
