She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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