I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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