We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's shark week go big or go home
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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