This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize