a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
