i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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