Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
