Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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