I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Still dying that you shit outside
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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