i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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