C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
