I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
