Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
