it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
