So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I use my feet as sexual weapons
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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