there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
