3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
