drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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