I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
