Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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