Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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