Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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