speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
