Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
