i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize