John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is my gift to your gina
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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