I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
