Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am available for nakedness
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