when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Say something about gay babies.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
