I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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