she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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