Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
