If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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