There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
