I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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