They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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