Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
