god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
