Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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