walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
