we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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