their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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