How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
