Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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