I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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