We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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