are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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