I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
