highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
