On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
