I bet he comes in French.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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