Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
