when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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