My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
