he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
