I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
