he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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