the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i believe in u and ur pee
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