Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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