This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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