i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
