I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
