I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
