last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
