Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
