bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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