apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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