Will you blow on my dice?
dude i'm inner monologue high
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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