3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize