I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
