her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Be still, my beating vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
