If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
