I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
