i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
