Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
