Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
