he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was like eating out sand paper
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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