Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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